It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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