I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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