How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
