we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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