Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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