Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
