I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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