remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
