i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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