I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
