ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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