haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
