what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
