Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You are the jesus of drinking
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
