Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
