non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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