Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I supernannyed him into submission
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
