Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
