College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
