my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
