this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will be naked everywhere
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk is not a location!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
