we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
