Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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