Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
