I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
