Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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