if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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