I bet he comes in French.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
