There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
