Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
