? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
