i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
