When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
