The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
