Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
