A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
