I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
