i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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