just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
