I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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