I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Terrible idea I love it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
