Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
