i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
