My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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