The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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