you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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