i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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