Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
