Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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