Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
