Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
